


Silence

by mood



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Humanstuck, M/M, This Is Sad, but has a hopeful ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 02:53:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17378237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mood/pseuds/mood
Summary: eridan has known silence for so long, but it wasnt always that way. maybe now it will change.





	Silence

**Author's Note:**

> this is really just some hidden self insert shit sorry mates, idk if im gonna continue it

Eridan lived in silence. He didn’t enjoy it, but it was always there. If one lived in a cold place, they grew accustomed to it. So that’s what Eridan did: he grew used to it. He learned to live with the days without talking, to the only noises being the ones he made, to the seemingly never ending silence. Of course, he wasn’t always in this world of quiet, he once was surrounded by so much noise that he longed for any dull moments. Eridan wished with every fibre of his being to be back in the time of his noisy youth. But alas, years went by and things changed, and now all that Eridan truly could rely on was silence.

It wasn’t always like this. Eridan’s earliest and fondest memories were in Mrs. Paint’s junior kindergarten class. That was where he had met his friends and truly felt accepted. There were twelve of them in the class total: Karkat, Aradia, Tavros, Sollux, Nepeta, Kanaya, Terezi, Vriska, Equius, Gamzee, Feferi, and himself. The twelve grew close and spent their year together acting as though they were siblings rather than classmates. The end of the year saw the tearful goodbyes throughout the class. When September rolled around, each and every one of the twelve were ecstatic to learn that their senior kindergarten class would not only have the same teacher as the year prior, but the same classmates. Kanaya deemed it fate and, while the others didn’t know what this word meant, they agreed. Their self-proclaimed leader, Karkat, decided that they would need to have a name, a special thing that was exclusive to the class. They chose the name “SGRUB”, a made up word from a board game in their class. Mrs. Paint enthusiastically endorsed the club and prompted the class to spend their art classes on creating an SGRUB banner for the class. 

Sadly, all good things must come to an end and such was true with the kindergarten class. Once again, the students had heartfelt goodbyes and promises of playdates throughout the summer. When September came, SGRUB was split up but not forgotten. The members constantly played with one another at recess, sat with each other on field trips, and visited other’s houses for playdates. The parents of the children collectively agreed that organizing a playdate for twelve young children was a challenge for their parents and so they devised a plan: the children were all born on separate months and so, on their birthdays, the children attended a party at the birthday child’s house. The party was always a sleepover so that the kids could cram in as much playtime as possible. Eridan and the others were overjoyed at the monthly visits, those who were not in the same classes were able to fall back into old friendships as though no time had passed. It was nice.

By the third grade, things changed. SGRUB was still remembered but slowly became less important. The children aged and found that they shared more in common with certain members than others. As a result, deeper friendships formed and playground dynamics changed. Aradia always played with Tavros, Karkat played with Sollux and Gamzee, Nepeta flarped with Terezi and Equius, Kanaya plundered with Vriska, and Eridan stuck with Feferi. Grades four and five passed with similar friendships, and while they still met up for birthdays and shared greetings in the hallways, SGRUB slowly solidified in its smaller cliques. 

The start of sixth grade was the next big change for SGRUB for they all had graduated from primary school and the majority moved onto Alternia Middle School. Kanaya revealed during the middle of the fifth grade that she would not be joining her friends at the new school, her house was out of district and instead she would find herself at Terra Middle School. Eridan was sad to see the girl go for she was one of his closer friends. Kanaya and Eridan were seemingly the only two to ever take any care in their appearance, and so they bonded over clothing. To have to face middle school without one of his SGRUB members seemed like torture. Eridan took comfort in the fact that, while one of his friends would be leaving, he would still have his best friend.

Looking back, he wonders if this was why she didn’t tell him at first. 

It was the beginning of August when Feferi revealed to Eridan that she would not be attending Alternia either. She explained that her mother was moving their family further from Alternia so that they could be closer to the high school that Feferi’s sister was attending, meaning that Eridan’s best friend would be attending Beforus Middle School. Eridan was heartbroken. 

His response to the news was unhealthy and, deep down, Eridan knew that. Maybe it was because of the overwhelming urge to keep his best friend close to him, or maybe it was puberty related hormones mixed with emotions that he didn’t know how to deal with yet, but either way, Eridan latched onto Feferi.

He convinced himself that he was in love with the girl, that he couldn’t live without her. Much to Feferi’s chagrin, he asked her out constantly. She turned him down every single time, telling Eridan that he didn’t really love her like that. Eridan wasn’t convinced, but rather motivated. He took every refusal as a chance to prove to Feferi that the two were meant to be. Never did he realize that he was effectively pushing away his best friend. The other members of SGRUB took notice of Eridan’s crush and the majority pitied Feferi. Karkat was the only one who reached out to Eridan and tried to help the boy. He used his favourite romantic movies to try and teach Eridan what love actually looked like and, while Eridan dismissed the claims that his love for Fef was forced, Eridan enjoyed the films. 

By the time the sixth grade started, Feferi had moved away and her friendship with Eridan was strained. He spent the entirety of that year moping, interacting with people only when necessary or when Karkat showed up at his house for movie night. The friendships in SGRUB had altered once more. The only two that remained together without issues were Nepeta and Equius, the rest faced had changed due to crushes and arguments. After Kanaya left, Vriska and Terezi began playing together and they briefly flarped with Aradia and Tavros before Vriska caused the boy injuries. Tavros was left in a wheelchair, and Vriska was left without friends. Aradia felt awful for not being able to help her friend and, despite Tavros’ assurance that it wasn’t her fault, she blamed herself. Their friendship became strained for some time and the two moved on: Aradia grew close with Sollux, Tavros befriended Gamzee. After cutting ties with Vriska, Terezi started hanging out with Karkat, who juggled the friendships of Sollux, Gamzee, and Eridan. Eventually, Aradia and Tavros began talking again, though the two remained closer to their news friends. By the end of the year, Terezi started playing with Vriska again. Everyone was relatively happy. That was, everyone but Eridan. His interactions with SGRUB were limited to group projects, their nearly forgotten group chat, and his Thursday night movies with Karkat. That was fine with him, Eridan dedicated the majority of his year to wallowing in self pity, the less interruptions, the better.

When the school year was up, Eridan had less interactions with anyone. His brother, Cronus, spent his time hanging out with friends or just avoiding their house in general. Eridan’s father was home just as infrequently as Cronus. When he was younger, his father was home slightly more often, leaving only when work demanded it. Now that his sons were older, Daniel “Dualscar” Ampora saw no reason to be even remotely near his home unless he had a meeting in the city. With his family never home, Karkat being unable to continue their movie nights, and SGRUB birthday parties becoming smaller, Eridan was alone and without distractions, a perfect mix for someone trying to drown themselves in their sadness. Looking back, Eridan realized he was as much of a dramatic in his youth as he was now.

In grade seven, things changed once more. The friendships of SGRUB remained relatively the same, the only change was a rivalry brewing between Eridan and Vriska. Stemming from a partner project gone wrong, the two fought every chance they had. Their petty arguments lasted for a few months until something unexpected happened: Vriska asked Eridan out. Fueled by hormones and loneliness, Eridan said yes. Their relationship was strictly school related, both Vriska’s mother and Eridan’s father were too busy to drive them around for any ‘dates’, but neither seemed to mind. It became apparent to Eridan early on that he was being used. Vriska was dating him to gain attention, Eridan just wasn’t sure whos she was after. He was certain it was either Tavros or Terezi, but Vriska also didn't seem to be sure which of the two it was. As pathetic as it made him feel, Eridan didn't end the relationship because he had someone to eat lunch with and occasionally talk to. It didn't matter to him that his ‘girlfriend’ flaunted him whenever Terezi and Karkat were nearby, nor did he mind that Vriska only called him her boyfriend when Tavros and Gamzee were at the table with them. No, he definitely didn’t mind. 

Their relationship ended after two months when Vriska was tired of pretending. She told Eridan that she was done with him and he was both relieved and upset. He wasn’t being so blatantly used anymore but he was back to silence. After the breakup, Eridan spent the rest of his school year similar to the last. 

Grade eight started and ended in silence for Eridan. Three months into the school year, he started a new rivalry, this time with Sollux. The two got into a petty schoolyard argument after Sollux made a comment about Eridan’s clothes and Eridan lashed out. Soon, Eridan looked for every opportunity to piss off the other boy, whether he was pestering him about his lisp (despite the fact that Eridan had a slight lisp as well), or making fun of his obsession with the number two. Anytime Eridan could annoy Sollux, he saw it as a victory. Sure, some of the things that Sollux said in return cut pretty deep but that was the price to pay for a rival.

Eridan knew that his obsession with Sol was just as bad as his one with Fef had been, but he ignored that. Sollux paid attention to him. Sollux sought him out. Occasionally, Sollux even responded to his texts. So what if he called him names and told him how worthless he was? At least someone was talking to him.

That was why it hurt so much when Sollux stopped talking to him. 

Eridan didn’t know what he did, what line he crossed, or why then, but Sollux cut off all contact with Eridan. The two weren’t in the same class so Sol had an easy time avoiding him in that aspect, he hid during recesses, and he blocked Eridan on trollian. Suddenly, Eridan was back to silence.

Eridan reasoned that, if he reached out to Karkat, he might be able to rekindle their friendship. He didn’t try that though, for two reasons: Karkat seemed happy and he didn't want to burden him, and reaching out would be admitting defeat. Once again, Eridan spent the rest of the year barely speaking to anyone.

Summer came with a surprise for Eridan: Feferi. She reached out to him, asking to be friends once more. He had refused to message her since she moved, believing that she wouldn’t want to talk to him because of what he had done. He apologized to her immediately and she told him it was okay. The two began talking day and night in an attempt to make up for the missed years. Eridan suddenly grew hopeful, he had his best friend back and they would be attending Skaia High together in september. In fact, the entirety of SGRUB was going to be at Skaia. The high school was the main one in their area of the city, meaning that even Kanaya would be joining them. Life was looking better, and the future looked louder.


End file.
